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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28306572">by your side</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmram/pseuds/emmram'>emmram</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>DCU, Titans (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU after 1.06, Gen, PTSD, dick's canonical mental health issues</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:14:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,548</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28306572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmram/pseuds/emmram</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>AU post 1.06. </p><p>Dick and Jason are Robin at the same time and figure out a working arrangement. It works better than Dick ever thought it would, until it doesn't.</p><p>Written in response to a prompt on tumblr asking for 5+ headcanons for any prompted AU.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd, Dick Grayson and the TItans</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>by your side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warnings: Some swearing. Graphic descriptions of canonical mental health issues including dissociation and hallucinations. The MCD is Jason.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>1.</b>
</p><p>dick has to admit that it’s not the <em>worst </em>arrangement: jason continues to be robin in gotham, and dick travels across the country with his little family while running from a homicidal cult, wearing the costume every now and then when he has no choice but to fight. this way batman is covered, dick still has access to <em>some</em> advanced gear and weaponry now that he needs it, and internet sleuths are kept on their toes when robin shows up in different ends of the country on the same day.</p><p>so what if reading news coverage of batman and robin in gotham feels like being punched in the chest, or hearing jason’s stories about learning new things from bruce everyday makes dick want to scream into a pillow? he is <em>fine with this</em>.</p><p>he. is. <em>fine</em>–</p><p>(kory knows he’s fraying at the edges. she watches, and she says nothing.)</p><p>
  <b>2.</b>
</p><p>the fight to help rachel and defeat trigon is long and hard, and involves painstakingly unravelling kory’s memories. they manage to find her spaceship, and it becomes their base for a good long while. they stay there long enough that dick loses some of the tension that’s had him on edge for… well. the better part of the last five years, to be honest.</p><p>dick begins training rachel and gar in earnest. kory is able to coax some memories of tamaranean cuisine and culture out, and dick is reminded more and more of the team that he lost everyday. despite his best efforts he’s <em>invested </em>now. he cooks and dances with kory (good thing he’s so flexible because the tamaranean version of a waltz is like a particularly sadistic game of twister), teaches rachel algebra and does yoga with gar. he even manages to forget about bruce for a bit.</p><p>jason shows up quite often when he figures out where they’re based, and after some initial tension, he becomes an unofficial member of their team (though at this stage dick is still reluctant to use that word). dick and jason patrol in the nearby city some nights, then go for ice cream later. dick’s even starting to see the strategic (and frankly comedic) potential of two robins on the same patrol. </p><p>time and familiarity softens how dick perceives jason: less reckless asshole and more bright young kid full of curiosity and a need to prove himself. he continues to tend towards gratuitous violence, but dick learns his triggers and helps jason recognise them as well. he soaks up the info on alien cultures and battles on kory’s ship faster than dick himself could hope to, and there is a terrible sort of tenderness to how he talks to the people he saves while on patrol. terrible, dick thinks, because he doesn’t know if <em>he </em>comes across like that now at all: soft and empathetic instead of aloof and shaking, too caught up in his own neuroses.</p><p>here’s the thing, the crux of it, the faultline that’s always threatening to break dick apart: he’s so afraid that he’s taken <em>robin</em>, his legacy, the ideals and persona that he modelled as a tribute to his parents, and made it into something so dark and broken that only <em>batman</em> could pass it on. jason showing up as his replacement one day only seemed to affirm that fear. but <em>now</em>, swinging through the skies with this kid who’s taken <em>robin</em> as an opportunity to learn and grow and be better, dick’s reminded of the best of his early days in the costume. </p><p>for the first time in what feels like forever, dick feels good about putting on the robin costume again.</p><p>
  <b>3.</b>
</p><p>(are you asking if dick tried to call home? of course he did. he chickens out and cuts the call to bruce after only a few rings, and feels a sad sort of vindication in noticing how bruce never attempts to call him back.</p><p>alfred picks up his call on the second ring, and dick feels like the smallest person in the world when he hears the genuine warmth, joy and relief in alfred’s voice as he greets him. there’s no excuse for dick refusing to talk to the man that practically raised him after his parents died and he knows it. </p><p>they talk for an hours while skirting around anything to do with bruce, which is an impressive feat all in itself. they finally talk about jason, and there’s a wistful sort of fondness in alfred’s voice as he says, “you’ve been a good influence on master jason.”</p><p>dick laughs. “he’s been a good influence on <em>me</em>.” it’s the first time he’s said it loud, but it feels true.</p><p>“you mustn’t underestimate the ways in which you change people, master dick,” alfred says. “you have been a light in our lives for so long.”</p><p>dick’s jaw clenches. all his memories of batman smudge together in never-ending shadow; when he thinks of bruce, he can only remember that remote expression on his face, that expression dick can project all his disgust and loathing and disappointment onto. <em>maybe people should start considering how they influence <b>me</b>, </em>dick wants to say. <em>sometimes i can’t recognise who i’m seeing in the mirror every day and other times i hate him so much i want to–</em></p><p>“i miss you, alf,” he says instead, softly.</p><p>“my dear boy,” alfred starts, but he sounds choked. it’s ok. dick understands.)</p><p>
  <b>4.</b>
</p><p>things get worse, quickly. their enemies find and destroy their spaceship base, and they’re not <em>nearly </em>ready to take on trigon yet. they’re on the run again, alternating between motel rooms and empty warehouses. </p><p>the cult finally catches up to them; they are kidnapped and tortured for days in an abandoned asylum. they eventually escape, the building and the organisation in flames behind them, but the scars from the experience are deep: rachel is anxious and tearful almost all the time, gar’s usual cheer is replaced by a quiet, simmering self-loathing, kory refuses to talk about her experience but flinches at every touch, and dick… he feels like he’s been flayed, his mind and body laid raw and bleeding until nothing recognisable, nothing <em>human </em>is left. he can’t think, he can barely <em>feel</em>. half the time it feels like he’s observing what’s happening to him like it’s happening to somebody else entirely.</p><p>they’re a mess. he can’t do this, not when he feels like–like <em>this</em>. he resists calling anybody for help, but one night he breaks down and calls donna. he doesn’t remember what he says on the call, but wakes up the next morning, eyes raw, tear tracks on his face, and a text from donna that says: <em>i’ll be there in a day. stay put, bw,</em></p><p>“wow you’re a mess,” jason says from a corner of the room. any other time, dick would be on his feet, demanding to know how jason found them. now though, he’s feeling out of his body again, and so he says, “i kind of am, aren’t i?” and watches the words float, parting the air above him.</p><p>jason sighs.</p><p>being with donna helps get his head on straight, even though at first her appearance threatened to bring back even more traumatic memories. she’s a soothing, sobering presence not just for him, but for the others as well. they continue to motel-hop as they prepare for their big final battle against trigon.</p><p>jason continues to find them, somehow. (dick wouldn’t put installing a tracker on one of them beyond him, but he’s much too tired to feel angry about that.) he chats with dick and sometimes they bond by watching a movie together or swinging from buildings in the chill, crisp night air, jason’s cackling laugh echoing in dick’s ears. </p><p>jason always leaves as quickly as he appears, but dick is grateful for his presence.</p><p>
  <b>5.</b>
</p><p>they defeat trigon, and there’s a party. even hank and dawn show up. jason is conspicuous in his absence.</p><p>after several unanswered texts and calls, dick bites the bullet and calls alfred. “hey alf,” he says when the man picks up, “is jason there?”</p><p>there’s a long pause at the other end of the line. then: “did master bruce not tell you?” his voice sounds uncharacteristically hoarse.</p><p>dick’s stomach starts to sink. he steps away from the others and into a quiet room. “tell me what?”</p><p>“master jason…” alfred sighs. “he–he was killed by the joker two months ago. the funeral was last week.”</p><p>dick stumbles back to sit on the bed. the phone threatens to fall from his numb fingers even while his heart thunders against his ribs. “that’s impossible,” he manages. “i saw him <em>five days ago</em>. we saw–” there’s a hysterical laugh building in his chest, howling like a thunderstorm, “fuck we saw <em>moulin rogue </em>together. he told me how much he fucking loves musicals, i–”</p><p>alfred’s voice is suddenly distant and tinny. dick looks down to see his phone on the floor. he’s suddenly very, very aware of the dryness of his palms, the hot flush at the tips of his ears, the tears that are starting to slide down his cheeks, the way his lungs are burning with shock and grief and <em>rage</em>–</p><p>“hey, dickie,” jason says, smiling at him. “glad you finally caught up.”</p>
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